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Most of my entries are open to the public. Anything that has to do with my personal life or inner-most thoughts though, will probably be locked. Please comment if you would like to be added. Thanks!
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Hai

I never write in here anymore and that is a shame, because my life is very full and I have endless thoughts that I should put down. Overall, life is good and beautiful. I have come to the realization that living in the "now" is extremely beneficial to one's health. The past is always going to be behind us. No amount of dwelling or analyzing will change it. The future is molded by our present. No amount of stressing or anxiety will benefit your future, only nurturing the now with self-love will.

Here are a few paintings I have created recently:







There are many more but that will do for now.

I put a lot of my free energy into my Hidden San Diego website. I had been sitting on that dream long before I made it a reality. I have been photographing, blogging and exploring for over a decade now. 3 years ago I created a website based around this hobby of mine. Right now I am getting over 100,000 views a month on it! To inspire is one of my greatest sources of happiness. I acknowledged a long time ago that my purpose in life is to inspire and to help people grow (both emotionally & creatively). I try to live out my purpose daily.

Lately I have been on an even greater health kick than usual. I am creating all of my own beauty products, replacing toxic items with naturally-made ones one by one. Many of us have been health-conscious for years. Slowly, perhaps through sheer paranoia and fear, the world is waking up to the importance of what we put into and on our bodies, what we breathe, how we maintain our lives and our surroundings. I am happy about this. The more conscious individuals we have out there the greater we can preserve our ever-growing earth.

Here are some tiny fragments of my life right now:





San Diego Botanic Garden

Dixon Lake

Lake Hodges

Lake Hodges

I am still with my love. Nearing 2 1/2 years now. Because of him I am constantly inspired. He helps to mentally challenge me, to retire much of my darkness & allow more color inside, not just externally but internally as well. He helps me believe more and more in the power of a soul mate; and that it is not necessarily the fairytale vision many of us have of it. But it runs deep, psyhicly, spiritually; it is alien. I am grateful for every day that I have him.

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"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."

— Bob Marley

(no subject)

“My creative writing professor told me to stop
writing about love. I asked him why and he said,
“Because you have turned it over and over in your hands,
felt every angle, every fault, every inch,
every bruise. You have ruined it for yourself.”
I spent the next 3 weeks writing about science
and space. Stars exploding.
Getting sucked into a black hole.
How much I wished I could sleep inside of that nothingness
without being annihilated. What an exploding star
would taste like. If it would make our stomachs glow
like fireflies, or tingle and shake like pop rocks
under our tongue.

My creative writing professor told me that those poems
weren’t what he was looking for.
He tells me to stop writing about outer space.
Stop writing about science.
Again, I ask him why. Again, he says,
“You have ruined it for yourself.”
I spend the next three weeks writing about my mother,
how we are told we can’t make homes inside
of other human beings, but the foreclosure sign
on my mother’s empty womb tells me that women
who give birth know a different,
more painful truth.

My creative writing professor tells me I am both talented
and hopeless, that everything I write is both visceral and empty,
a walking circus with no animals inside
but a beautiful trapeze artist with a broken hip
selling popcorn in the entrance-way.

He tells me to stop writing about my mother. I don’t ask why.
I pick up my books and my notepad
and I leave his office with my war stories
tucked under my tongue like an exploding star,
like the taste of the last person I ever loved,
like my mother’s baby thermometer, and I do not look back.
We are all writing about our mothers, our lovers,
the empty space that we will never be able to breathe in.
We are all carrying stones in our pockets
and tossing them back and forth in our hands,
trying to explain the heaviness
and we will never stop writing about love,
about black holes, about how quiet it must have been
inside the chaos of my mother’s belly,
inside the chaos of his arms,
inside the chaos of the spaces in every poem
I have ever written.

None of this is ruined.
Do not listen to them when they tell you that it is.”

—Caitlyn Siehl, “My Creative Writing Professor Told Me to Stop Writing About Love”

May 2012


6 months behind in posting. No biggie! :P

I started the month off by throwing another show. This one was titled Social Experiment Vol. I




It was in conjunction with the Carlsbad st. fair and we were given a free booth!  Score!  We didn't know until the day of or else we could have prepared better:



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